About

During our lives, we absorb so many influences – from our parents and siblings, at school, from our friends, partners and at the companies we work for, that in the end its hard to know: what’s really me, and what’s stuff I’ve absorbed from others along the way?

I know that’s how it was for me. There’s a saying that goes “First you must know what you don’t want to be before you can know what you want to be”.

Some of my worst experiences in life were at a company where I couldn’t be myself at all. I had a big title, a big car and a big salary, but I was intensely unhappy. I became the worst version of myself: insecure, snappy, demanding, cynical. On the one hand I was an often impatient, demanding team leader that left my team feeling that nothing was ever good enough. On the other hand, I was part of a management team that was defined by control, fear and mistrust. What was not said was more important than what was said. I sat in meetings in which the fear and mistrust were so palpable around the table that my throat constricted and I could no longer speak because I was being so dishonest by not naming what was happening.   I used to drive to work crying so many times, I lost count. I was so far removed from who I really was, that I even became physically ill.

On the flip side, some of the most intensely happy and fulfilling experiences in my life were when I could just be myself: in shorts and t-shirt with my dirty feet sticking out before me sitting around a campfire in South Africa. Or having a deeply personal conversation with a famous CEO I was interviewing for an article I was writing. Or brainstorming and laughing with a colleague while we designed a workshop for a corporate culture change program. Or doing a coaching session with a client and both of us losing track of time. And having her tell me, with tears in her eyes, “Nobody has ever made me feel as supported in my dreams as you do”. Or trail-running with my dogs. Or preparing my TED talk in 2013. Or meditating in a field on a hot summer’s day. The list is endless…

Here’s the most important lesson I learnt:

It’s very easy to lose sight of who you really are in a negative environment. Self-doubt creeps in. Other people’s expectations and judgements blur the lines of what you value in yourself and who you want to be.

It happened to me, and I’ve seen it happen to many amazingly talented, beautiful people around me.

But there is an antidote.

Being clear about who we are, our center of gravity, our essence, makes us stronger and more resilient. It helps us attract what supports us and makes us happy, and it enables us to draw a line in the sand and say no to those things, situations and people that don’t serve our highest self and biggest potential.

I believe that we teach best what we most needed to learn. The key question I had to answer for myself was: “What do you really want to put into the world? Really?”

Finding that answer, and stepping into my full, glorious light is the scariest and most liberating thing I’ve done – and am still doing – in my life.

That’s why I want to help others do the same: discover and step into their authentic selves.

Go find your greatest potential. Dare to be you.